THE HOG JOB
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Title Card: THE HOG JOB Dug: You wanted to see me, boss? Jeffrey: Yes Dug, Please come in. Dug: What's Up? Jeffrey: It's been cold lately. Too cold. We need it to not be so cold. We want todo fun stuff outside. Dug: How can I help, boss? Jeffrey: Are you aware of the situation in Punxsatawney, PA? Dug: Punks a who now? Jeffrey: You're a groundhog, right? Dug: Dang right! Jeffrey: I need you to do a little... job Dug: A job?!? Jeffrey: A car will pick you up in one hour. Dug: A CAR?! Jeffrey: You're receive instructions en route. Dug: INSTRUCTIONS?!?

Car driving down the road, being driven by Sheila SHEILA: What's the deal, Dug? What's going on? DUG: WE have to go down to Punxsatawney and stop a groundhog named Phil from seeing his shadow. SHEILA: What?! DUG: If Phil sees his shadow there's gonna be six more weeks of winter and the boss don't want that. SHEILA: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! DUG: THAT'S the stupidest thing you ever heard? THAT?! SHEILA: In the last five seconds! DUG: Get ready everyone. We're almost at Gobblers's Knob. SHEILA: I'm sorry, What?

GOBBLER'S KNOB. Dug, Observation Duck, and Sheila stand outside Phil's little hut. Dug: Here we are. You two stand guard. I'll go in and persuade ol' Phil. PHIL: Who dares awaken me DUG: Hi, Phil. I'm Dug. I need to talk to you. PHIL: If it's about seeing my shadow, I'm just an actor. DUG: Well, listen, I'm gonna need you to not see your shadow this year, capish? PHIL: No can do. Not unless you can top what they're paying me. DUG: How much they paying you? Phil hands Dug a piece of paper. Dug is astonished. From outside Phil's hut, we hear a BONK

GROUNDHOG DAY Chanting: Phil Phil Phil! Dug wakes up. Wh-what?! Dug is held aloft by old weirdos in tuxedos. DUG: Let me go you old weirdos! SHEILA (IN CROWD) Dug! Keep your eyes colosed so you can't see your shadow! DUG: Wait if my eyelids block out light ain't I technically lookin' at my shadow?! SHEILA: Oh right DUG: Wait, what's this? Some old scrolls? DUG: This ain't about shadows at all! the whole dang thing's rigged! Abort! Observation Duck pulls out a gun and fires it into the air.

THE HOG JOB: EPILOGUE Dug: And then Observation Duck shot a gun in the air and everyone panicked and we ran away. Jeffrey: What happened to the REAL Groundhog Phil? Dug: Sheila didn't tie him up very good so I'm sure he got loose. SHEILA: I've got HOOVES. Dug: What I don't get is, why do they lie about the shadow thing if they already know what's gonna happen? Jeffrey: People just constantly pull backward-ass non-sense for no reason. Dug: So how are we gonna make spring get here faster? Topato: I am going to slightly adjust Earth's axis! Dug: That sounds way more dangerous than the groundhog thing. Topato. It IS!!



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