Dollmilk: Comics by jeffrey rowland
Aaahh!!! Real Aliens!
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Sheila the Horse and Dug the groundhog are out for a walk on Halloween Eve. Sheila is dressed as Harley Quinn and Dug is dressed as Winnie the Pooh. SHEILA: I'm so excited to be going out trick or treating, Dug! It's my first time! DUG: Whoa what the heck is that? A spacecraft, curiously similar to E.T.'s spacecraft, is landing DUG: Oh Holy crap it's a UFO! Sheila: No it's not, Dug. that's a spaceship. I know what a spaceship looks like! DUG: It's landing!! Two aliens emerge. One a hot dog wearing a backwards baseball cap (THE HOT DOG KID), the other a creature that appears to be a two-fingered hand with legs with a giant tongue in between the fingers, two eyeballs on the figertips, and two baseball caps on the top of each finger-head (MIKE). Its eyes are bloodshot. THE HOT DOG KID: WOOP WOOP! MIKE: Hi


Sheila, Dug, The Hot Dog Kid, and Mike stand outside the spacecraft. SHEILA: Ahh! Real aliens! DUG: What do you want from us, weird aliens? SHEILA: Do you want us to take you to our leader? 'Cuz we, uh, don't have one right now. DUG: Where are you from? What are you? THE HOT DOG KID: That's a long story but I'm Goochie, AKA the Hot Dog Kid! And this is Versachie, but you can call him Mike. MIKE: I'm the universally understood gesture for sarcastic cunnilingus. DUG: Whoa!!


The Hot Dog Kid is climbing a tree, maybe for the first time. Dug speaks to Weird MIKE DUG: First things first Mike -- we gotta get you some pants! SHEILA: Yeah what are you about a 40


> Sheila holding Dug, on a pay phone. Dug is talking to Observation Duck DUG: Hey Observation Duck, it's Dug. What are you doing right now? > Observation Duck holding a mop OBSERVATION DUCK: I'm cleaning the bathrooms at the Comedy Club what's it look like I'm doing? DUG: (through phone) I can't see you OBSERVATION DUCK: Anyway what's up? DUG: We met these really cool guys, Dirty Mike and The Hot Dog Kid. They wanna hang out but Mike doesn't have pants, sooo... OBSERVATION DUCK: What do I look like, the guy that runs pants store? DUG: I still can't see you


> Observation Duck, Sheila and Dug in a meeting DUG: Observation Duck, you're in showbiz, right? You know that guy Sponge Bob? OBSERVATION DUCK: What like, personally? DUG: Yeah, all you Hollywood types know each other right? OBSERVATION DUCK: We do, yes, but Spongebob is a cartoon. He's not real. DUG: Look, anyway, we need to know where this Sponge Bob guy gets his pants. OBSERVATION DUCK: I don't know where to get MYSELF pants!! DUG: What do you think he's about a 50 inch waist, 2 inch inseam? OBSERVATION DUCK, pointing to his butt: Plus I got THIS whole thing goin' on!


> Observation Duck, Sheila and Dug standing outside OBSERVATION DUCK: All right. Take me to these aliens so I can get some measurements. DUG: Say please. OBSERVATION DUCK: Please. SHEILA: Ooh we should get bikes! They had bikes in E.T.! DUG: How you gonna ride a bike while sitting on a chair, huh? SHEILA: I'll figure it out!! DUG: We can't get bikes right now anyway! It's night time and we don't have any money! > Observation Duck on his phone, some rental e-bikes in the background OBSERVATION DUCK: Guys, I just signed up for this app and got a free bike.



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